so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
