his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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