nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
