im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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