Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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