I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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