What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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