shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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