Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
