Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
