Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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