literally had 100 drinks last night.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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