As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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