you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
