Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Duck Duck Cougar?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
