Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
