Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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