I don't usually arrange sex via text message
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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