Need sex. Gaining weight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize