you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize