The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They have beer where we have blood.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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