I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize