i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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