Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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