I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
