Need sex. Gaining weight.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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