Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
