Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
