): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
