So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
