for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
