All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
