Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
