Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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