Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
