Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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