I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
