he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
