If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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