I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
