rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
