my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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