I cockslap morals
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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