I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
