Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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