Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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