You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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