I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
