3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
