I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
