We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
