Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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