one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
