Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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