Screwed.edu
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
