Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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