Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
