She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
