I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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