Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
