we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
