Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
