Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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