I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize