My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
