Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
