If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She made me pour olive oil on her.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
