i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need water and some morals
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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