This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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