I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize