we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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