I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
