You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
